When Death Comes

by Mary Oliver

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps his purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering;
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth
tending as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

To The Eternal Chase for Honey

“Forget the wine snobs who tell you that what they drink is the essence of the country. Honey is more than that: it is the truest distillation of the landscape, as specific to a place as the way sun-light hits flowers in the morning.”

“Pure honey, honey treasured and nourished and definitive of its own place and time, honey drawn from a single hive or hives in a single field, offers a lesson in the vital difference between flowers that grow in sand or in loam, those that get sun in the morning versus the ones that see only a little light in the afternoon.

That kind of honey is an element, as clean as oxygen.

Although it all goes by the same name, honey that started off as, say, orange blossoms, is nothing at all like honey made from the nectar of wildflowers, or from the fragile blue of desert lavender or just-after-dawn gold of catsclaw. Even honey from the same species of plant can look and taste vastly different—clover honey ranges from pale to gold so deep that it seems like it’s trying to hide the secrets of its miraculous flavour.”

From A Short History of the Honey Bee: Humans, Flowers, and Bees in the Eternal Chase for Honey by E. Readicker-Henderson

“We must strive to be like the moon.”

To Falling in Love

Toronto, in the evening, is breath-taking-ly beautiful. The city, all twinkling lights*, splayed out on the horizon, with Lake Ontario, all frosted glass, lying behind it… mmm.

“Get me back, get me back to T.O. She’s got something I’m looking for…”

*That’s not to say I’m in favour of light pollution! The city would definitely be much more attractive with fewer lights and more stars! The sky is never starry here. Just sayin.

To Riding the Rails

I was eaten by the night
swallowed by the enormity
that was the haze of
Maybe
hanging just to high to
touch
on tip-toe

A frosted moon shone clear
for just a second
as if to say
‘catch me if you dare
to can’

City Adventures!

Well, I’m back to being a city girl and definitely enjoying it, even with all the rain… although, I will admit, an end to the rain would not have me down! My first two days of work have gone well, and I’ve managed to walk at least one way each day (4km of walking today, 3.8km yesterday).

Some things:

1. I watched three highs school aged guys walk over a patch of grass and start freaking out over all the animal crap they were stepping in… And then had a chuckle about the fact that the lawn had just been aerated and all they were stepping on were grass plugs.

2. I saw a dog in a raincoat today! It was adorbs.

3. I love how so many stores are hidden deep behind other stores – like today I stumbled across a Zehrs after glimpsing what looked like a mall behind a coffee shop (this is all inside, mind you). And Zehrs is marginally more affordable than Sobeys, so I’m happy camper. (Both of these stores are ridiculously close to my house!

4. Cemeteries are beautiful – I pass Mount Pleasant on my way to work!

5. I love a workplace where coffee is free, and breakfast and lunch get served at meetings (for free), along with company merch! That’s me living the high life.

6. I am disappointed with the Conservative majority, proud of the NDP, and SUPER EXCITED THAT THE GREEN PARTY WON A SEAT!! (I’m also disappointed that only 4 in 10 students voted. *sigh*)

7. I really want a chandelier someday. And a giant bed. And an apartment with more than one room. K? (There are some marvellous stores along Yonge, south of Eglington).

8. I love how Gossip Girl blatantly advertises for Bing (like the search engine)…

Anyhow, that’s enough random-ness from my head. Cheers!

To Crafting Your Own Drum

What I Will, Suheir Hammad

I will not
dance to your war
drum. I will
not lend my soul nor
my bones to your war
drum. I will
not dance to your
beating. I know that beat.
It is lifeless. I know
intimately that skin
you are hitting. It
was alive once
hunted stolen
stretched. I will
not dance to your drummed
up war. I will not pop
spin break for you. I
will not hate for you or
even hate you. I will
not kill for you. Especially
I will not die
for you. I will not mourn
the dead with murder nor
suicide. I will not side
with you nor dance to bombs
because everyone else is
dancing. Everyone can be
wrong. Life is a right not
collateral or casual. I
will not forget where
I come from. I
will craft my own drum. Gather my beloved
near and our chanting
will be dancing. Our
humming will be drumming. I
will not be played. I
will not lend my name
nor my rhythm to your
beat. I will dance
and resist and dance and
persist and dance. This heartbeat is louder than
death. Your war drum ain’t
louder than this breath.

On Writing in the Dark

I cannot sleep. There are words in my head that will not be writ and it hurts my heart as they break against the writers block, pounding their vowels and consonants on the locked door of the perfect sentence.

On Bearing Witness

How do we participate in world events? How do we acknowledge that some people are being dragged through hell and back (over and over again), and go on with our own lives? I was out with some friends last night, when someone received a news clip from the BBC or CNN or something, which stated that one of the nuclear plants in Japan had experienced a meltdown. I’m not sure if a meltdown is the most hazardous thing that could have occured, but the news made me wonder where I’m supposed to fit in it all. We heard the news, were quiet for a bit, and then went on with our night.

It kind of reminded me of this John Green video.  “As all of us, under the terrible burden of destiny, found a way to keep lauging.”

Here’s another good thought piece.

Shoes and Ships

This term has been very depressing, uplifting, unaffirming, reaffirming, and a bunch of other mixed feelings all thrown in together.  I am starting to understand that there is really no other way to study environment and development. There are highs – stories of success – and lows – stories of failure… and you begin to realize that success for one, usually means failure for another. What do we prioritize: economic development or sustainability; job creation or human health?  Will they always be “OR” kinds of questions?

The questions are tough… And they’re not getting easier any time soon.

Here are few things I’m learning about, which I find really interesting (and therefore exciting!), which I’d like to study in more detail:

• Critical Race Theory
• The concept of White (Male) Privelege (…And it what it means for me.)
• Environmental Law (Perhaps there is law school in my future??)
• Politics (I’ve been watching The West Wing with the folks, and now I’m gaga about politics, and I wish I understood the Canadian political system better…)
• Prosperity Mine, a gold and copper mine proposed in B.C. by Taseko Mines (The mine was proposed, but was turned down by the federal government at the EA approval stage. Now Taseko is returning to the drawing board with the hopes of writing an EA that will be approved by the federal government.)
• Semantics (such as, how naming a mine “Prosperity” can shape people’s idea of it…)
• Spoken Word (I’m attending a spoken word event at UWaterloo tomorrow, and I’m so excited!)
• Personal identity: how we define ourselves, and how that definition is shaped by our environments (social, political, cultural, institutional, etc.)
• Women’s Rights (Because after all, I’m a woman, it we just celebrated the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day. In my Peace in Lit and Film class someone mentioned the Bechdel Test, a simple way to gauge the active presence of female characters in Hollywood films. Basically the tests asks three questions: 1) are there two or more women in the movie and do they have names, 2) do they talk to eachother, and 3) do they talk to eachother about something other than a man? This video explains it really well, and it really shows how many movies do not provide active female presence.)

And now it’s time to get to researching and writing! (I supposed I’m lucky that I get to pick subjects that interest me in some of my classes, but I really don’t feel like doing work on such a gloomy day.)

Cheers! J