On being

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You is kind, you is smart, you is important.

I’ve been rather pensive of late. Causes? Anticipation. Nerves. Three days of insomnia. A book that juxtaposes my charming little life to a startling degree. I asked Chris, “Why can’t I find a job that requires me to read books all the time.” He said, “You should start reviewing books.” I said, “I don’t want to review them, I just want to read them.”

I like The Help by Kathryn Stockett. It’s funny & heartbreaking.

I vended at an art market this evening. The experience has left my brain in a jumble. I find myself experiencing a bunch of emotions in a short period of time. Happy, frustrated, sympathetic, validated, excited, stressed, content, exhausted, happy. Wash, rinse, repeat. I had some great conversations. Spent half my earnings on pretty good Indian food. Got free ice cream from the ice cream truck across the street from my booth.

I love making stuff. I wish it paid better. I also wish I could put a larger dent in that “Someday, Maybe” list.

In Paper Dreams

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It always felt like a poem. A love letter. Shooting stars of hopes and dreams. It was exciting in its beginnings. Ingenuous.

It’s less magical now. It got caught up in the future and is now hiding, scared. Won’t come out from the shadows.

It doesn’t know what it’s supposed to do.

Castles in the Sand

The next couples months feel massive! So many goings on and I just want to crawl back into bed. Can I blame it on the weather?

I’m participating in YCP10 this year. That is, the Young Conservation Professionals Leadership Program that operates out of the University of Guelph and offers young conservation professionals leadership training. I begin this adventure with apprehension. I’m committing a lot of time and money. I hope it offers new beginnings. Inspiration. I suspect it will; the curriculum looks fantastic.

I’m moving at the end of the month. Moving is inconvenient. I look forward to having been moved. But not the process.

I’ve wrecked my beloved laptop. It took a little tumble and now every day is a fight with the power supply. And I’m holding my breath, just waiting for it to quit on me completely. A new computer was not in the plan.

I need a better plan. And stronger execution. And more sleep. (A little bit of sand & sun wouldn’t hurt either.)

Heavy Boots

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Today was a heavy day. I’ve got “heavy boots” as Oskar would say*. Heavy boots. Heavy thoughts. Weight on my chest in a can’t catch my breath kind of way. And I’m looking backwards, wondering when and where I missed the ‘how to’ guide. What am I doing wrong?

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But today was also a light day. Thank you lovelies. Friends sprinkling understanding, laughter, co-misery and love in my life. YOU ARE GREAT!

*A reference to Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathon Safran Foer.

 

 

Velvet chaise lounges

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I’m staying at my parents’ lovely home this week, caring for this little stinker.  Meet Foxy. She’s a six year old English Shepherd that joined my family last year.  Adopting her was such a good decision!  I’ve lovingly nicknamed her Yoda, because of her twitchy and rather large ears. :)

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My parents are off gallivanting about Europe (Portugal and the Netherlands), and I’m house/dog sitting for them for a couple days.  Foxy and I went for a walk on my lunch break and it was beautiful outside. Only -6 and sunny!

I’m basking in the mellow aftermath of an excellent weekend. Chris and I hosted a games night in celebration of his 25th. I visited Jordan Village (throwback Saturday) and wandered through antique shops that had me dreaming of a someday house filled to the brim with little oddities and wardrobes worthy of gateways to Narnia and purple velvet chaise lounges. Oh, and giraff statues taller than myself! (Coat tree anyone?)  I also saw a tuque selling for the low low price of $110 (What?) and sampled cheese cake fudge (Yum!).

Sunday saw me inundating our house with toxic smoke from burning butter and sugar — the side effect of a cinnamon apple bread invention gone really wrong. We salvaged it though, and after barbecuing the half baked mixture, were able to enjoy it. I spent the rest of the day cuddling Foxy and watching Harry Potter (Goblet of Fire & The Order of the Phoenix & Half Blood Prince).

What are you folks up to these days? Enjoying some sun I hope!

Angst aside

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Sheesh, I used to stream-of-consciousness this drabble; rants about the day, dreams for the future. Blogging doesn’t come so easy anymore. Perhaps it’s the absence of teen-aged angst?

Angst aside, I miss being able to share my day/thoughts with the ease of my younger-self. Sixteen year-old me cared a whole lot less (and a whole lot more) how/what she wrote.

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Well, we’ll try executing this blog in list format. Lists are easy, right? Things:

  • I’ve been designing wedding invitations for some friends and the design process has been a dream! This was a surprise — I was nervous about the learning curve — but while it’s been a fair amount of work (and a lot of research), everything is going smoothly. I’m blessed with rather lovely friends. The invites will feature paper-cut details of course.
  • Chris and I have found an apartment! It is beautiful, and full of windows, and hopefully quiet and warm and happy. I can’t wait to fill it with artwork, books, and beeswax candles.
  • My 2014 Book List is already 9 titles strong. I’ve been cheating a bit (maybe). I’ve been devouring audio books (6 of 9), and re-reading old favourites (2 of 9). But I might reach 50 this year, and that’s a feat. (I’ve been keeping Book Lists since 2008!)
  • I’ve quit caffeine. It pains me to do so — I love lattes and Earl Grey, and ‘decaf’ doesn’t seem to be decaffeinated enough — but I’ve been sleeping better and more consistently in the last two weeks than in the last 5 years.  Instead I’ve been hydrating with fresh ginger tea and hot chocolate.
  • Favourite things: sunshine in the winter, pink lemonade & crazy straws, volleyball, The Good Wife, ‘bacon’ tempeh at Cafe Pyrus, Wunderlist, Burt’s Bees Almond & Milk Hand Cream, Hoosier Glass vases & Mason jars, Sharpie Pens.

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I think that’s it for now.  I’m still reading ‘On Writing Well’ by William Zinsser, and have started reading ‘Middlesex’ by Jeffrey Eugenides.  And I’m on bit of a Sara Bareilles and Mumford & Sons kick… I don’t even pretend to understand.

Colourful winters

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I felt like adding some colour to all bleak white days of winter, so I made these:

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Fox&Forest5  Fox&Forest6

I can’t believe the amount of snow we’ve been hit with.  Perhaps I’m noticing it more because I’ve spent so much time moseying around the un-plowed sidewalks and streets these days. Apartment hunting by bus in -11C is NOT my idea of a good time.  I mean, apartment hunting at any time is pretty miserable, but it’s even worse in the winter.

That being said, I’m excited to find THE apartment, and move forward.  New place, new ideas, new school — yep, I’m going back to school in the fall.  (It feels so strange to say!)  This lady will be starting an 8-month post grad degree in communications & marketing.  Onward and upward!

Books: Peter Pan – J.M. Barrie & On Writing Well – William Zinsser

Music: Wintersleep – Weighty Ghost & Joni Mitchell – Both Sides Now

On moving forward

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I checked a large personal task off my to do list today and am feeling rather proud of myself. Here’s to owning 25 & 2014!  Now onto the next task; my 2012 & 2013 taxes. *sigh*

Edit: I lied. My next major personal task was applying to college. Done and done!

“Not the pain of this but its unfairness was what dazed Peter. It made him quite helpless. He could only stare, horrified. Every child is affected thus the first time he is treated unfairly. All he thinks he has a right to when he comes to you to be yours is fairness. After you have been unfair to him he will love you again, but he will never afterwards be quite the same boy.” – Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie, Chapter 8: The Mermaids’ Lagoon